HELP! So here’s my problem: Over the past few months I’ve had a few occasions where the women I’m meeting ask me or assume that I’m gay. This has happened on two occasions where alcohol was involved, and one where she was stone cold sober.
This happened again last night in Miami Beach where I’m sitting on a couch at this small indie club, tired of dancing and unsuccessfully attempting to strike conversation and/or dance with a handful of girls at said bar. I’m sitting on the couch, a or so cushion away from this random guy…not talking, just doing the whole head-nod and thinking to myself "Well, at least my friend I dragged out met someone!" ( …seems like I’m always having this problem too, but that’s a post for another day) and out of nowhere this incredibly hot brunette plops down between me and the other gent on the couch.
I could tell that she was sloshed, as she started running her hands down my thigh and the guy to her left’s thigh. Of course as a straight man, pleased to finally see a female showing him interest this evening, I don’t mind(and apparently neither did the other guy!). This girl, Julie, turns to me suddenly and asks –
"Why aren’t you dancing…are you gay?"
My world crumbles.
So I look her in the eye, trying my best to minimize what must have been an obvious look of embarrassment on my face, and say "No, I’m not. I’m straight…and I think you’re smokin’ hot."
Her attitude changes completely after that, she starts playing with my hand I reciprocate her playfulness, meanwhile she starts ignoring the other guy on her left (mind you, as I said, she was obviously pretty drunk so I didn’t take our flirting as anything meaningful). So she turns to her friend who is standing not too far in front of us, and explains how he’s gay…then asks me AGAIN if I’m sure I’m not gay (the NERVE, yo!?!).
I re-explain to her that I’m not, and we continue our mild flirtation ’til she finally gets up and goes to her buddy; and they vanish into the throng of people never to be seen again for the rest of the evening.
So at this point I’m mildly annoyed, and go to my friend who’s obviously having a much more successful night. I socialize with him and the girl he met for the rest of the night, whilst trying to regain my sober groove (I was designated driver for the evening) and forget the slap in the face to my heterosexuality.
What am I doing wrong?
I’m 25 years old, and I admit to the fact that I am one of those dreadfully shy guys when it comes to women. I’ll jump out of an airplane, or speak to a crowd of people, …hell I’ve even grabbed my acoustic guitar time to time and played before a group of total strangers. But when it comes to women, especially those I’m interested in and have yet to speak to, I become ridiculously and unreasonably nervous; though these past few months I’ve been looking to change this aspect of my behavior.
I’m tall (6′3") black (light skinned, Jamaican background) and consider myself reasonably handsome. I like to look good when I go out, and have been told my fashion sense is reasonably strong. and I fall prey to the social stereotypes that is being a "well-spoken" black person in America can carry. One of those ironies where occasionally people will make an ignorant statement based on assumptions about my ethnicity due to fact that we well-educated black men are few and far between (Obama…PLEASE help to show America we black folks don’t all rock ignorance).
I try to genuinely love all people, and can talk to anyone (except those attractive women that intimidate me) when the mood strikes. I consider myself the type of guy that doesn’t make assumptions about people without getting to know them first, and thus it’s usually pretty easy for me to make friends. I also tend to speak openly about most subjects (which can sometimes cause issues as there are a few subjects which can spark my fiery inner protester). One of my best friends and former roommate is gay, and I think the gay community is pretty awesome overall! …I just don’t want to be thought of as being a member of it.
My "style" (if you prefer labels…to all non-Floridians we can be kinda shallow down here…FYI) is that of a "indie" guy (-NOT- "emo"), minus the tats and mussed hair. I don’t go for mainstream often (though I don’t really care if you or anyone else does); and last night I was dressed fairly sharp in a vintage dress shirt, jeans, and loafers. Because I’m so tall, and carry myself with confidence, I tend to get noticed frequently. I’ve had friends tell me that "girls AND guys" are often checking me out…but I am unfortunately oblivious to these affections (the females are my chief concern, however!).
Finally, I consider myself intelligent, but my social skills – especially those in the domain of meeting women – are sorely lacking. I can be a bit of an alpha male at times, but I try to avoid acting arrogant or controlling with my friends and the people around me.
I’m a man of words and action, and I believe myself to be a natural leader. I have an awesome job as a developer for a software company.
So, with all these blessings, what am I doing wrong?
*I’ve got a hot girl throwing herself at me and thinking I’m gay.
*I’ve got this painful shyness I’m trying to overcome so I can meet more women and break free of my shell.
Yahoo! Community…please help me? I’m stuck…and I think I took last night more to heart than I want to admit to myself.
My romantic life has been in the gutter since I ended a bad relationship in February of this year, and I’m really interested in meeting a new woman to make the days and nights a little less lonely. 
What do I need to do to prevent this from happening in the future (and help myself MEET a girl)…without acting like a complete phony?
PS.
If you read all of this – I salute you!!