IVE MADE MORE CHANGES! I KNOW ITS LONG BUT PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE READ EVERYTHING!
Ok, so I have this story and the first time I recieved comments saying it was too much like Twilight. Well, after some major self-esteem boost, and WONDERFUl help from a friend, I reconstructed, and I want to know if it’s still too much like Twilight. I’ve got the same idea ((read link)) http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ap0RiI6hc_BnJOuCcwt8YXvty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090304150715AAc7Dwh but these are my changes:
I’m making it to where the family looks even more normal. There are going to be two seperate households, _____ and ____. Not saying names here. They will have two "guardians" and look like normal kids, which will look even more regular as them dating. The story is the parents have been friends for a long time, and their kids just decided to date. But I’m still going to refer to them as one "clan" of merpeople. And the two female guardians stories are basically going to be they have been friends since they were children, and the two male guardians are going to be brothers ((but the humans don’t know that…because none of them are actually related except for those two males and two other characters)) so it’s okay for them to date. But like I said, the humans don’t know the two male guardians are brothers, so it seems normal that their kids are dating.
I’ve decided to change her uncle Ron, to becoming an aunt Rhonda, who is sort of hectic and wild. But really caring and stuff. And Lilly and Kate will be very familiar with Rhonda – they’ll have their own rooms, they’ve stayed there over summers before, it’s nothing foreign.
And, The skin of the merpeople will be somewhat disguised. It won’t have that blue appearance to the rest of the humans, just Lilly and Kate ((because their meant to be merpeople))
And I’ve changed Ron’s, now Rhonda, and the two male merpeople guardians jobs to marine biologists ((they were originally surgeous)) and they will just go work at an aquarium in a bigger city and occasionally travel on business trips out of state.
The ending — I’ve changed it to when my two main characters are in the water, and the Hawaiian comes up and sees them, my main character will quickly sense him and get out. They will never take my main character away, instead they will stay at home, and my main character will get these dreams of the Siren girl ((she is with the merpeople, but she’s "purebread" Siren)) luring her into the water with her voice. That is how she will reach her death, but she doesn’t die!! The end is secret! :]
So, is still too much like Twilight??
OH!
and is it a big deal that she moves there, and that the merpeople already live there?? I mean does that aspect trigger your mind to Twilight?? All I’m saying, is that I don’t see why it’s a big deal that she moves there, and she meets them at school. Is that something i should change??
Will you help please?? Is it still too much like Twilight??
No, this is the first book I’ve ever fully accomplished. I would atleast try to get it somewhere. Of course I’m not just writing it for myself!